Juvenile Shows vs. "Good Theater"

Several years ago, my dad took me to see the touring production of Monty Python's Spamalot.

I remember walking into the theater in Cleveland, Ohio with hundreds of other Monty Python fans, waiting to see jokes that I had grown up on put to music and lights. We were ready to laugh and not take ourselves seriously and just be in the moment of a show based off of something that I, personally, wouldn't have ever thought to make a musical out of. Well. Most of us.

I don't know why this has stuck with me, but I remember at intermission, a woman turning to the person next to her and going, "Oh, I thought this was high brow."

Can we think about this for a moment? Monty Python. The troupe who crafted such irreverent beauties as Flying Circus, Life of Brian, Holy Grail....you thought that was going to be high brow? Who are you and why are you deconstructing my beautiful theater going experience good madame? Have a velvety cushioned, overpriced seat.

But this statement wasn't a symptom of a new sentiment and it's not something that's gone away since. For many people, theater has the preconceived reputation of being high brow, classy, and upper crust. It's something that's representative of the elite's access to the arts- which is why you saw Instagram posts of every celebrity ever with Lin Manuel Miranda brandishing a Hamilton program, knowing that you would basically have to take out second and third mortgages to maybe get nosebleed seats. (This is a whole other issue that I'm not going to get into, but will instead redirect you to this awesome YouTube video about the issues with another, once-inaccessible musical, Rent). Good theater is transformative, immersive, and, often times, over the top. And as such, it makes some sense that some of the best productions will be the most expensive and/or the most high brow. Quality takes money. Especially on Broadway. I get that.

I grew up with the privilege of having a dad who always took me to see touring productions. And local productions. And came to see my school productions. Growing up, my family wasn't rich, but some of the best gifts I received were theater tickets. The first show I ever saw was a mediocre community production of Grease, where I fell in love instantly. I was eight years old. About a year later, I opened an envelope in my stocking on Christmas Eve and found tickets to Beauty and the Beast. My first professional touring production. It was captivating and I was transformed. And this became a pattern over the years. Theater tickets were  a priority and that's the reason why at the age of 27, I still love absolutely nothing more than sitting in a dubiously comfortable foldout seat, watching a performer in sequined costume belt their face off. I love theater because I had exposure. And because I had exposure, I learned theater appreciation. I took classes on theater in high school. I've done self study. I have an entire bookshelf of plays, musicals, and books about production, directing, and theater history. Because I had exposure as a kid.

I love me some theater-snob-sanctioned high brow theater. The first time I saw The Fantasticks, I literally cried. I can sing all of the parts of Cell Block Tango from Chicago, probably with choreography. Once on This Island gave me a full range of emotions that I still haven't untangled months after seeing it. Fiddler on the Roof has been one of my favorite shows (and movies) since I was in high school. But again...I'm saying this as a 27-year-old adult with a sell-out corporate job, who sees between one and four shows per month. Eight-year-old Rebecca would not have understood most of the shows I see now. Fun Home would have gone right over her head (and also, she wouldn't have gone to see it because it's a little mature for her what with the sexual awakenings and suicide). Same with Spring Awakening (sexual awakenings and suicide, again). Or Miss Saigon (.....do I see too many shows about sex and suicide? Don't answer that.) But I appreciate them now because when I was a kid, people took the time to make theater accessible to me. My dad, buying me tickets that I couldn't afford on my allowance, for sure. But also the people who actually put the time and effort into making shows that kids could and would want to see. And my life, and the lives of a million other theater nerds, were forever changed because of that.

Which brings me to an unlikely source of anger for me here lately.

Spongebob Squarepants.

Most of you know, if you follow theater or pop culture or watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, that a few years ago, a production team started development on a musical based off of the Nickelodeon cartoon, Spongebob Squarepants. It rolled out in late 2017 to great skepticism from many proud theater nerds, myself included. My sister, 14 at at the time, and I listened to two songs from the soundtrack back in November and were shocked to find that they were...in fact...pretty dang good. So when we made plans to go to New York in March of this year, one of the top things on our agenda was to acquire tickets to see this show. We bought our tickets, which were expensive because New York, but relatively affordable because...Spongebob (and it was before Tony Award season), and expected a cute show with cheap laughs because, after all, this is a Nickelodeon cartoon. How good could it be?

Very, actually.

The show was filled with bright colors. Ridiculous sound effects. Squidward tap dancing with extra legs (will never be over this fact, by the way. Gavin Lee was robbed of that Tony Award and you all can fight me.) It was an experience that took my skeptical, theater snob heart, and punched it in the face. It was clever. It was fun. It was loud.

And it was GOOD.

Also worth pointing out, it was my sister's first time to see a show on Broadway. (And second. We went twice. Don't @ us.) 

On my end, there was a hefty amount of mockery and skepticism from people around me. One of my best friends, for example, sent me text messages taunting me throughout my New York trip after I, admittedly went a little fan girl ham on my Instagram feed, having been able to take selfies with some of the cast and freaking out. One of the theater nerds at work, who actually produces shows, admitted that he "didn't get" the show. It came to light after this conversation that he hadn't ever actually watched the cartoon, so like, that made sense, but then, bruh, you're not the audience. I expressed this to him, being younger and having grown up watching the show, I had an appreciation for what this did with regards to accessibility. I expressed that I liked that there was a big, flashy, semi-affordable show on Broadway that catered to kids for once. And he said something painfully annoying.

"Yeah, but kids aren't the ones who pay to keep a show in business."

The other thing worth noting is that I follow an excessive number of people in the theater business on social media and the vast majority of them were raving about the production too. I was converted. This all had to be a good sign. I was ready for them to sweep the awards. I was an instant fan girl and I was ready for award season to come and validate all of the good feelings that I had, while simultaneously converting the hold-out theater snobs who would see an underdog show getting the credit it so fiercely deserved.

And that....kind of happened.

Spongebob ended up being the most nominated show on Broadway this year. Drama Desk. Critics' Circle. Tony Awards. Stacks of well-deserved nominations, which I cheered on as they rolled out. Ethan Slater and Gavin Lee won Drama Desk awards for their roles and I was giddy. The show received Best New Musical for Critics' Circle and Drama Desk and I started to get more excited. It was happening. A kids' show was getting the recognition it deserved. This was the proof that you could be goofy and silly and still be good theater. How freaking cool for baby theater nerds.

And then came Tony Award night. I had a mini-party at my house with pizza, lots of wine, and close, equally theatrically inclined, friends, who yelled and cheered at the TV with such force that I think I now kind of understand why people get so hyped about the Super Bowl. So we sat there, watching a collection of "low-brow" shows: Mean Girls, Spongebob, Frozen (it may be Disney, but you can't make me like it), go up against The Band's Visit, a more traditionally-focused production in that it contains substance, meaning, and beautiful orchestrations rather than, as I understand it (not having seen or read the show yet) gags and fun, flashy numbers. The Band's Visit is more contemplative, and necessarily so. It's incredibly important as it focuses on Middle Eastern culture and casted Middle Eastern actors in a time where it is, in many circles, very, very hard to be a person of Middle Eastern descent. I love what the show has done for visibility and I knew deep down in my heart that it was going to win Best Musical. And I was honestly fine with that. I love the music. What I know of the premise, I like. And as someone who can't sing well with perfect posture, watching Katrina Lenk belt while lounging in a bistro chair is basically as close as I will get to watching an actual, hand to God MIRACLE on this earth. But I've read reviews and know it had some places that it lacked. And so I was, nonetheless, shocked when it swept up every award. Best Book, I thought, was a surefire win for Tina Fey and Mean Girls. I really thought that Ethan Slater had a shot at the win for Best Actor in a Musical. But I watched as even things like sound design snubbed my beloved baby show, and I got confused. And a little annoyed because I had literally sat directly next to the sound booth and watched a man single-handedly craft a cartoon-reminiscent experience using things like xylophones, squeak toys, and bicycle horns.

It felt like an obvious choice. A "necessary" choice. An actual choice to refuse giving recognition to shows with lesser source material because they didn't meet the standards of traditional theater. And that made me so sad and disappointed, but I was overall unsurprised. I watched as Spongebob continued to sell well. I watched as my ability to buy tickets to see Mean Girls when I go back to New York in July slip away (or rather, to be subject to INSANE resell prices). And I was sated. They may not have got the recognition they deserved, but goshdarnit, people liked them. And maybe that was okay. The important thing was, after all, that they were providing accessible exposure for kids who would go on and come to love the theater for a lifetime.

And then the story from BroadwayWorld showed up on my newsfeed. Developers had been granted permission to renovate and raise the Palace Theater to create more retail space in Times Square (which, as anyone who's been to Times Square knows, is in very short supply. I know that when I'm looking for a Statue of Liberty paperweight, I often shake my fist to the gods and shout "IF ONLY THERE WERE ONE MORE KIOSK HERE, I WOULD BE SATISFIED"). The Palace Theater....where Spongebob is playing. It seemed counterintuitive. Shows close because of lack of public interest, because the money dries up. That wasn't happening here. Maybe it was just saying that once the show closed, they would break ground.

Unfortunately, no. Word broke this weekend that the show is closing in early September and I was HEATED.

You see, I will admit that I have a deep love for this show that many others do not share. And that's fine. The great thing about the theater community is that it is so dang innovative that there will always be something new. Something that will appeal to pretty much everyone. No two people will have the exact same theatrical palate and that's so very fine. But what I'm seeing is something that goes beyond one show being snubbed in favor of commercialism and high brow sensibilities. It gives me concern for the future of accessible theater, of kids' theater, in general.

If you dive into the theater edge of social media, you'll see a gaggle of teenagers who have found their community in musicals. They've picked up on messages and allowed them to help them through the identity crises that are so common for that age range. When I was 13, Wicked burst onto the scene (also not winning the Best Musical Tony, for what it's worth), giving a quiet, bullied kid who felt all too visible and invisible at once a voice through Elphaba. My sister, at the same age, saw herself in Dear Evan Hansen and the various coping mechanisms displayed through the show's characters. My brother, not a huge theater fan overall, fell in LOVE with Hamilton and it's one of maybe two or three soundtracks that he'll sing along with my sister and I to. And I want kids to keep being able to see themselves and their interests in theater. Things like this make me worry for shows like Be More Chill, a show that is coming to New York because of enthusiastic, persistent, and, for the majority, teenage fans who saw themselves in Michael's panic attacks, Jeremy's struggle for acceptance, Brooke's and Chloe's self-esteem and insecurities, and Christine's love of theater. I'm worried because I've already heard the critiques.

"It's a juvenile show."

"It lacks substance."

"The fandom is made up of teenage girls."

I'm concerned that high brow sensibility will get in the way of a great show that means so much to so many people. Theater is an amazing means to help people find themselves and their passions. And sometimes those people are kids and teenagers. Sometimes, they're eight-year-old girls watching community productions where the lyrics to Grease Lightning are censored who will go on to love theater almost twenty years later so much that they dream of producing shows themselves.

Please don't sell these shows short. Juvenile does not equal bad theater. Not every show has to make you rethink your life. Not every show needs to represent you, your demographic, or your social interests. What shows do need, though, is the opportunity to do well and provide that magic.

That's what I want to do someday. I want to make shows that make people love theater as much as I do. To find an escape in it like I do. To find themselves in it like I have, my sister has, and a million other drama nerds have.

I just hope that the system gives me that chance.

In the meantime, you have 10 more weeks to see a really cool show at the Palace Theater in Times Square before it succumbs to corporate greed and nonsense. If you have the chance, do it. See it. 

I'm pretty sure you'll be both as delighted as I was and angry as I am.

We Need to Talk About "I Feel Pretty"

I went to see the movie against my better judgment.

I'm not a fan of Amy Schumer because I find her to be short-sighted and exclusionary in general, but something changed my mind. I follow a plus-size fashion blogger, Glitter and Lazers, and she endorsed "I Feel Pretty", sitting down and interviewing Schumer and telling her followers in the comments that she understood the concerns, but there wasn't much to them. The movie was about acceptance and Aidy Bryant's character in the movie was decidedly body positive, so I decided to give it a shot.

If you're not familiar with the premise of the movie, it's that an average looking girl, Renee, is unsatisfied with her life and feels less than confident due to a myriad of reasons. She's not fashionable enough, there are jokes about when she showers, and she works in a Chinatown office for a makeup line's online division, hidden away from the public. She's asked to go to the company's Fifth Ave headquarters to deliver some reports, finds out that there's a job opening for that office, and after reviewing the online requisition, feels that she's not confident enough to apply. All of this changes, however, after an unfortunate SoulCycle accident in which Renee suffers a head injury that changes her perception of how she sees herself. In short, she believes herself to be transformed into someone beautiful, to the extent that she is certain that none of her friends recognize her, she hits on a man in a dry cleaning shop (who becomes her love interest.), and just in general is filled with the confidence that she feels that every conventionally attractive person has, which leads her to great success. It also leads her to being a royal tool to all of her friends, sabotaging relationships, nearly losing her job, and just being an overall garbage human. Obviously, though, this all comes to be tied up with a neat little bow where at the end, Renee discovers that she's always looked the same and that her beauty was there all along and it all just works out. HOORAY. CONFIDENCE FIXES EVERYTHING. HOW POSITIVE.

I want to believe that this movie was made with the best of intentions. And I'll be honest, I found myself laughing at a few points throughout the film (e.g. A scene in which Renee, with her new found confidence, struts across the lobby of an office building to an Alicia Keys song. If you've never strutted to an internal soundtrack on a day where you're feeling yourself, you're probably lying because that is my MOOD). That being said, my main feeling was just immense frustration overall with how the story was depicted and, quite frankly, by whom. There was a situation about two years back where Amy actually addressed the press that she was getting for being plus sized. Namely, that she wasn't. She stated that she fluctuated between a 6 and an 8 and that plus size was typically a label used for sizes 12 and above. And honestly, props to her for owning that and not perpetuating the idea that anything above a four makes you a fattie. But that being said, when you own that you're not part of a community, you, in my opinion, lose your right to present a work that provides commentary on and jokes at the expense of, that community.

I am, decidedly, plus sized. Depending on the brand, I can wear anything from an 18 to a 24. Some days, I feel pretty (for example, in the montage on the right, working it in front of Cinderella's castle). Some days, I don't. Most days, I have to remind myself that I am a healthy human being who's doing my best. And I have a number of friends in that same boat. Along with this comes the frustration that for whatever reason, society has overwhelmingly decided that it's still okay to make jokes about size. For example, while I desperately looked for a tweet from a favorite author on this very subject (Never found it. Still mad about it.), I instead found this article about the prevalence of fat used as comedy in children's media. It's everywhere. It's prevalent. And it's annoying. But it's often justified under the pretense that to do otherwise is "glorifying" obesity and that people are "concerned about your health". The problem of this being that it's very difficult to determine someone's level of fitness and/or health by looking at them. It's also likely that when you see an individual of a larger size, they are struggling with health concerns that CAUSED OR CONTRIBUTED TO their size, rather than being caused by it. I, for example, have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. My blood sugar is fine. My cholesterol is fine. I am overall a relatively healthy and strong person, but PCOS makes weight a pain to lose. And even if my weight were completely determined by my own personal choices and decisions, I still wouldn't deserve to have jokes made at my expense because I am a dang human being and I do not owe you the appearance of health, wellness, or beauty to merit respect.

Which brings me back to "I Feel Pretty". Probably one of the biggest issues that I had with the film was that of the bikini contest. On a date with dry cleaning man, Renee enters a bikini contest. She appears next to a variety of toned and conventionally tall, lanky, and beautiful women in swim suits wearing a tied up t-shirt and unbuttoned shorts. She is not toned, but proceeds to do a sexy dance and make jokes about herself anyway. The key joke in this scene, as with much of the movie, is that Renee is not toned or "attractive", but behaves in a way that puts forth the confidence of someone with those benefits. She comes on stage and a hush comes over the crowd because "she shouldn't be there". But when she makes jokes about herself, the opinion of the crowd changes. To me, this furthers the opinion that the only way that you can win people over as a plus-sized or, I'm sorry, not plus-sized, but average person, is to own those imperfections and share a laugh with others about them. Riveting. Overwhelmingly, with my background knowledge of Schumer's comments about not being plus sized, my internal monologue said something along the lines of, "They're laughing at her and she's a size 8. What would they do to you?" When you present yourself, as an "average sized person" as something that others can and do laugh at, you are creating a precedent for mockery and cruelty to continue. You have furthered the assumption that fat is funny. Non-conventional looks are funny. Anything that is not inherently and undeniably knock-out gorgeous is funny. And that's frustrating.

I understand why people want to promote this movie and even want to believe that it was created with a message and intentions that were overall good. It's true that Aidy Bryant's character is a delightful person who knits, wears cardigans, and doesn't care what others think of her, but to call her character body-positive or claim that including one character to balance out everything else wrong with the movie is entirely misleading. The overwhelming message that confidence is all you need in order to have your dreams come true ignores the fact that there are very real barriers for many women that are, at least in part, because of the way that they look. One of the first lines that Renee speaks when she is "transformed" is to a woman on the street who says that she got her dress at Target. "Girls like us are so lucky that we can buy clothes where ever we want and still look good." Speaking as someone who has insane amounts of credit card debt at Torrid and Lane Bryant, that line alone highlights an extraordinary blind spot. Have you tried buying a cute and professional work outfit in a 22? It is difficult. It is annoying. And 90% of the time, it is DEFINITELY more expensive than Target.

I want girls and women across the world, no matter their color, size, identity, or whatever else, to feel undeniably pretty. I want that for myself, unapologetically and unquestionably. And I want there to be something in the mainstream media that perpetuates and exalts that. I believe that at some point, probably sooner rather than later, that representation will come.

But "I Feel Pretty" is not that.

Not even close.



Note: This is not a comprehensive review of any and all issues with this film or any of Amy Schumer's other works. There are numerous concerns that people have raised with this film which are perfectly valid, but I can only speak for myself, my own feelings, and my own experiences. If you want to know more about why people are upset about this movie or, again, any of Amy Schumer's other works, I promise you that a good Google search will give you PLENTY of information. 

Book List 2017- The Best and Worst Stuff I Read This Year

This year I had a goal to read 50 books.

I love to read but I don’t get to do it as much as I’d like to because work, school, and raising a cat to be a responsible member of society. But during the summer, I didn’t have school and had a little bit of free time and decided that this was going to be the year that I crushed it. And I did. By the end of the summer, I hit 50 and set a new goal of 75.

As of right this second, after finishing reading a play this morning, I’m probably going to end at 73 unless the Lord sees fit to bless me with the gift of super speed reading or slows time to let me finish the other two. I’m bummed about it, but okay with it (no, I’m not).

Because I review things sometimes and because reading all these books has clearly qualified me as a literary sage that you should all pay attention to (yes. absolutely.), I’m going to make you all a handy literary guide based off of what I’ve read this year. Some of the books are current (i.e. books released in 2017), but many aren’t, so please don’t judge me. Some of these are great family reads and some most definitely are not. I’m going to include some that blew me away as well as some that made me boo and throw rotten produce. You may not agree with my opinion, but that’s fine because in this great country, you’re allowed to be as wrong as you please.

Please enjoy this list, provided with excessive commentary and, as 2018 commences, happy reading.

(Asterisks denote that the book was an audiobook, although honestly who cares.)

Best Memoir: Where Am I Now? By Mara Wilson*

Growing up, Matilda was my absolute favorite childhood book and the movie adaptation with Danny Devito and Matilda continues to be probably the best book to movie that I’ve ever seen, as most, especially now, end up being giant piles of suck (looking at you, Prisoner of Azkaban, My Sister’s Keeper, Eat Pray Love, and, to include my father’s input, The Firm). Mara Wilson played the titular character in that masterpiece and is also pretty well known for her appearances in that sucktastic Thomas the Tank Engine movie, Mrs.Doubtfire, and that heartwarming Christmas movie remake that doesn’t really age well in the age of feminism, Miracle on 34^th Street. After those, she kind of dropped off the face of the planet, an admirable feat for someone who didn’t join the ranks of trainwreck child stars, god bless. She popped back up on my radar when she did a voiceover role on Welcome To Nightvale as The Faceless Old Woman Who Lives In Your House and I was astounded. WHERE DID SHE COME FROM AND WHERE DID SHE GO? This memoir does a pretty good job of answering that question. Mara discusses her entrance to show business, shares some anecdotes about the making of some of those movies, and discusses her exit and life after in a way that is both poignant and, at times, hilarious. Honorable mention to an essay about Robin Williams that will make you cry like a baby. Mara left the movie scene and now works on writing essays and articles for various online publications, and I’m as big a fan of what’s she’s doing now as what she was doing then. Absolutely, 100% worth a read.

Worst Memoir: #GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amouroso*

Ick. Ick. Ick. Where do I start with this? Probably by copying and pasting the rant that I posted on GoodReads, tbh.

“Let me first say that I understand that the author is very accomplished in the business world at a young age. That's why I wanted to read this. And she does a good job of not shying away from her past- theft, unable to keep a job, didn't do well in school, etc. But she goes on to discuss the success of her business and most times, her advice sounds super condescending, assuming that the reader is stupid and/or naive. She also likes to discuss how lazy her generation is and how their parents told them how special they were and also participation trophies. (Gross.) While there are lazy people in every generation, it's not likely that these people are reading a book about a woman in business succeeding to gain insight. What a narrow view. 

And admittedly, some of her views just completely clashed with mine, which is fine, but that dang condescending tone. Talking about how thinking about the political implications of actions isn't living, making comments about "aren't we at the point in feminism where we don't have to talk about it anymore?", and several "HAIL CAPITALISM" rants- no. I was just not a fan. 

That being said, there is some good and interesting information in here and if you're a fan of the NastyGal brand (I'm not) you may find this enjoyable. I liked hearing about how she leveraged early internet shopping and some of her tips on money management. She really does have some good things to say. They just weren't enough for me to like this book or recommend it.”

The Netflix series does a good job of toning down the condescension and such and highlighting a lot of the bumps in the NastyGal’s start up road. It didn’t get renewed, which I wasn’t terribly heartbroken over, but if you’re bored and need a good binge, it wouldn’t hurt. The book though, nah, fam. Hard pass.

Honorable Mention Memoir: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells*

This was a book that I read to fulfill a personal rule of mine not to see a movie without reading the book. I’m a big Brie Larson/Woody Harrelson and wanted to see this when it came out but…uhhh…. that hasn’t happened yet? I don’t know why exactly. I’m working on it. But that’s not the point of this. (If you’ve watched it and have thoughts, please let me know. I’ve seen super mixed reviews and I want to know what I’m in for) The Glass Castle is one of those books that is super fun to break down and discuss, but will make you mad while reading it. It does a good job of discussing cyclical poverty and parental approaches to this subject, as well as discussing things like family dynamics, abuse, and neglect. It’s not a light read, but it’s a good read, nonetheless.

Best Play: Wit by Margaret Edson

Watching the Tony’s on an annual basis basically became a religious rite for me around 2008 or 2009, a couple of years before a revival of Wit came along starring Cynthia Nixon. The snippets that they aired fascinated me and I hunted for a bootleg but never found one and eventually forgot about it until this year, when I made my reading goals for 2018 (reading most of, if not all, of the modern Pulitzer/Tony Award winning plays because I am a MAD WOMAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO PARTY). Wit showed up again and I immediately ordered a secondhand copy on Thriftbooks to devour. If you’re not familiar, Wit follows the cancer diagnosis of an English professor whose study focused on poems that dealt heavily with concepts of mortality. We discover that she was a tough professor, at times lacking basic humanity needed for ease of human interactions. She is cared for by a researcher and resident who manifests many of these same qualities and the irony is heavy and it is tragic. Wit is well-written, incredibly poetic, and every bit as soul crushing as you would imagine. And you should read it immediately.

Worst Play: Fat Pig by Neil LaBute

Chrissy Metz’s character in This Is Us basically gives me life.  It’s the first time I’ve seen a character on TV that looks like me without being a joke because of her weight, so when I heard she was doing a revival of a play, of course I assumed that that character would be equally empowering and great. Nope. Fat Pig is one of the most disappointing works I’ve read. A woman meets a man in a café, thinking that he’s made a comment about her size. He hasn’t, but they get to talking and end up taking a liking to each other. Guy has been dating a girl at the office who’s kind of a terrible human being and guy also has a friend at the office who is an enormous dude bro and terrible human being. Guy and girl continue to see each other. Girl at office is mad that guy is blowing her off. Both girl at office and dude bro friend find out that guy is dating a “fat pig” an tell him what an awful thing it is. Guy succumbs to their words and the play ends with them breaking up. Honestly, if I had to take away a moral from this play it would be, if you’re fat, that’s why you can’t have nice things. And as someone who works a 20/22 dress size and looks dang fine doing so, I’m not a huge fan of said moral, so hard pass.

Point of Order: I have to give credit to the heavy amounts of dry humor in the early parts of this play. Helen (the plus size protagonist) starts off great and ends up sad, which just kills me. Not all plays have happy endings and that’s actually a good thing. But the message with this one is what gets a no from me, especially since the author has a whole preface about his life as a plus size man and how he’s gotten into body acceptance. HEAVY eyeroll.

Honorable Mention Play: Tick, Tick, Boom by Jonathan Larson

Tick, Tick, Boom is the only musical that I actually got around to reading this year. Do yourself a favor. Download it on Spotify and treat yoself because it’s a delight. If you’re familiar at all with Rent, Jonathan Larson’s name should ring a bell because he wrote that and died the day that it opened (not from AIDS though, so can we please stop furthering that fallacy, pleaseandthankyou). Tick, Tick, Boom chronicles a man turning 30 in 1990 and is considered to be a semiautobiographical work on Larson’s part. It wasn’t produced until after his death, but the music is heavy on Larsonesque style. The story is eh at best, but has enough potential paired with the music to make one super sad that Larson didn’t live long enough to make more of his art, because that transformative rock music vibe is fantastic. And for the record, I was born in 1990, so if you don’t think I’m going to play the song 30/90 for the entirety of 2020, you just don’t know me at all.

Most Underrated Book: Intimacy Idiot by Isaac Oliver

For reference here, you need to know two things that happened relative to me reading this book. First of all, two of my friends received it for Christmas because I couldn’t NOT have them not read it and kept snapping, texting, reading them excerpts as I read it (Emily and Kate, you’re the real MVP’s for putting up with me, but also, you’re welcome.) Second, it’s uncommon for me to literally laugh out loud at something I’m reading. A light chortle, a dainty guffaw perhaps, but outright laughter does not happen. Enter Intimacy Idiot, the least family friendly book (read: not even a little bit. I repeat. Your kids, grandmother, and dog should not read this.) on this list and easily the most riotously funny book I’ve read this year or… um… ever. This book of essays has everything. Furries. Customer service horror stories. A lumberjack named Anson. In this garbage fire of a year, a solid laugh through an entire book was EXACTLY what I needed and this book delivered.  (MPAA Rating: A solid R-.)

Most Overrated Book: The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold*

If I had to describe The Lovely Bones in one word, it would be “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?” On Goodreads, I gave this a solid three stars and that’s really all you need to know. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t….good? But everyone talked about it for a solid two or three years, so I was expecting the works. It deals with some interesting concepts, grief and how families deal with loss. But overall, I had to do a quick search just now to remember why exactly I was so bored by it because the story is THAT UNMEMORABLE. Maybe if I got with it during the hype, it would be different, but I didn’t, so it’s not. Sorry.

Extra Credit Reading: Check out the comments on the Goodreads page for The Lovely Bones. Many people had my same sentiment and put it in much more… eloquent.. ways. [laugh-crying emoji]

Most Boring Book: Mrs. Dalloway  by Virginia Woolf*

Alternate title for this book- Rich, white, Victorian people have problems too! We promise! Problems like…. I don’t know… having your dinner party ruined because some inconsiderate fool committed suicide. Dang him. Dang him to heck.

Extra Credit Reading: A list of things more boring than Mrs. Dalloway

Best YA Book: Turtles All The Way Down by John Green

Turtles was probably one of the more anticipated YA books of the year, for good reason. John Green is the author of acclaimed The Fault In Our Stars, a book the was so heartwrenchingly tragic that I literally threw it across the room upon finishing it. That came out in 2012 and while John hasn’t gone away (he’s still super active online, crafting such magic as Crash Course and staying true to his roots with VlogBrothers videos), this was his first book in five years. How was I supposed to feel? The second that he announced its impending publication in June, I frantically preordered the book, desperate to have it as soon as it came out. When it did in October, I was not disappointed in the least. The protagonist deals with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an ailment that Green himself has been very open about dealing with and because of this, he brings Aza to life in an incredibly special and important way. Admittedly, I didn’t find the ending as satisfying as The Fault In Our Stars; it was more on par with Paper Towns, but this book also earned that privilege. A happier, more cohesive ending wouldn’t have fit, and because of this, I’m grateful for what there was.

Worst YA Book: Be More Chill by Ned Vizzini

If you know me, this may really, really surprise you because this is also a musical that I’m absolutely in love with (to the point of driving to NEW JERSEY to see a community production of it). I know, I know. I was as surprised as you are by this turn of events. I picked up the source material expecting to fall in love with dynamic characters anew but then I got a jar of hot, steaming garbage that someone had pooped on for good measure. Whereas the musical characters are diverse, heartfelt, and the musical tackles things like anxiety, peer pressure, relationship dynamics, and the rumor mill, the book’s descent into deep storytelling involves an unfortunate incident with an infected nipple ring. Yes. Infected. Nipple. Ring. You did read that right. Even my beloved Michael Mell is a self-serving garbage person. God bless The Joes Tracz and Iconis for making this source material so dang loveable because it really is a giant turd on its own.

Honorable Mention YA Book: Anything by Becky Albertelli. Anything isn’t the title. It’s referring to the fact that you need to read anything that she writes.

Becky Albertelli has two books coming out in 2018, if I’m not mistaken. So far, one of them is available for preorder and I did that the second I found out about it. Here’s what I love about her books. She seems to be making a point to show that everyone deserves a love story that they can relate to. Everyone deserves to see that they can be loved for who they are, without exception. I read two of her books this year, Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda (you may recognize this from previews for its movie adaptation, Love Simon) and The Upside of Unrequited. Simon is a gay teen. There aren’t many of those YA books in the mainstream and Albertelli wrote one. Molly (the protagonist of The Upside of Unrequited) is a self-described fat girl. I can tell you from experience that this absolutely isn’t a trope that the mainstream YA scope. Both of these characters get a love story that isn’t tainted with irony or treated as a joke. Speaking from my own experience, I almost cried when Molly kissed the boy who she ultimately ends up with and admits that she’s afraid that she would hurt or crush him because of her weight. It was real. It hurt. It was relatable. And I would have given anything to see that when I was in high school. I can’t wait for more of her books. I can’t wait for more kids to see themselves in her stories. I’m just so dang appreciative.

More Honorable Mentions for YA Books: Anything by Nicola Yoon. See Becky Albertelli’s note.

Nicola Yoon is another one of those authors that is new and exciting and whom I can’t wait to see further develop. Everything, Everything discusses fear in parenting, developing one’s sense of self, and tackles Munchausen by Proxy, which I’ve seen in one other book ever and exactly zero other YA books. The Sun Is Also A Star talks about how we fall in love, family dynamics, and the impacts of immigration and deportation on individuals and families (strangely relevant for the time). Her books have a refreshing amount of depth and give her young readers credit, trusting them to understand and be able to handle tough topics, even crave stories dealing with them. It’s all so good and I just want more of her writing, okay?

Most Fascinatingly Relevant Fiction Book: The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

A word of caution- we live in a tough political climate and one of the subjects that is most incendiary is that of police brutality. I’ve specifically told one of my friends to hold off on reading this book because it hurts and it makes you mad, but it’s necessary. Like I mentioned with Nicola Yoon, Angie Thomas grants that her young adult audience can deal with more mature subjects that speak to their own stories. The protagonist in this story, Starr, is a black teenager who witnesses her best friend being shot by a police officer. Her friend is unarmed. The storyline follows activism erupting following the shooting, the case brought against the police officer, and the impacts that police brutality and violence have on individuals, families, and communities. It is disturbing, incredibly sad, and so relevant for today’s world. Read when it will not damage your mental health, but absolutely make a point to read.

Most Fascinatingly Relevant Non-Fiction Book: Shattered by Jonathan Allen*

Shattered deals with the Hilary Clinton presidential campaign. What’s interesting is that the book was meant to be a chronicle of the campaign of the first woman elected to the presidency. That was the premise of the book, that’s what the author went into this work for. However, after the disastrous election last year (which I’m still not ready to talk about), the book shed light on what exactly went wrong in the campaign. This book will literally make you hate everyone. Every. Single. Person. In. Politics. But overall, it’s a fascinating read if you’re able to stomach reliving the election. I know. It might be too soon.

Funniest Book: I’m Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi*

I found out about Luvvie from Jen Hatmaker’s podcast, where her humor struck me as incredibly relatable. She mentioned I’m Judging You during the course of the podcast and I immediately downloaded the audiobook. A word of advice- you should absolutely get the audio version of this book. While the text is funny on its own account, Luvvie’s delivery just gives it that little extra oomph. Basically, if you find that people suck and you find yourself judging others all too often, this book is probably for you. She tackles social media etiquette (e.g. don’t post your dead grandma’s casket on Facebook), those people that are constantly hot and heavy with baes who then just… like… disappear, and people who don’t know how to use hashtags, among many other so relatable, if slightly petty, pet peeves. If you’re problematic, it’s a handy guide to stop being so. And if you’re not, it’s still a handy guide, because even if you don’t think you are, I assure you, some of the rest of us disagree.

Point of Order: I know that I described Intimacy Idiot as the funniest book that I’d read this year. But it can’t win ALL of the awards and it already won one so shhhh….

Book That Will Make You Cry Buckets But It’s Worth It: Spoiler Alert- The Hero Dies by Michael Ausiello

If it weren’t for this stupid thing I have called a job, I would have read this book in one sitting. I did, however, read it in one day, much to the detriment of my mental health. Learn from me. Don’t do that, guys. Michael Ausiello chronicles his husband’s battle with cancer in a beautiful memoir that addresses how we deal with losing those that we love. The book flashes back to the beginnings of their relationship, to their near split, and their quick and private wedding in between discussing surgeries, chemotherapy, and everything that goes along with it. This book will make you believe in love, while simultaneously hating everything, but mostly cancer. Especially cancer. This is also one of the more beautiful books I’ve ever read. You will absolutely need a Zoloft or twelve, but that’s a cheap medicine and this book is worth it.

Series That I Can’t Believe I Didn’t Read Earlier: Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan

I would like to apologize to all of my friends and family who witnessed my descent into madness over the past three months, and by madness, I mean Percy Jackson. I just barely missed the Percy wave in its prime. My best friend is two and a half years younger than me and was right in that demographic but it passed me by and I was so unaware of all that I was missing. Enter the Lightning Thief Musical, a solid bop of a soundtrack that has been on repeat for a while now and that made me go, hmmmm…. maybe I should like, actually find out the storyline? I did and that’s the story of how I ended up in a binge spiral that had me reading all of the books, much to the detriment of my mental health and many of my social relationships. For the record, the last book screwed me up because everyone dies, so a curse on all of you who didn’t warn me about that. Grover’s storyline is by far the most satisfying. I totally get the Percy and Annabeth shipping and have boarded said ship with gladness. And I’m now reading the follow up series which might end up on this list next year should I be foolish enough to write another. (I’m in hour four of writing this as we speak. What a great way to ring out the year?) If you haven’t already, definitely read this. If you have, read it again and also listen to the soundtrack.

So that's it. That's my list. I have absolutely thought of more categories that I could add but am too lazy to do so. If you're interested, the link to my 2017 book list is here for your enjoyment (there's also a fun pictorial guide here). Be blessed. Be safe. Be well-read. 

Is bkr really the best?

Okay. Let’s talk about water bottles.

I have this issue where I am the actual worst at drinking water. I’ve been trying really hard to fix this over the past year and it’s a work in progress. Props to me for having a giant cup of water next to me while writing this, mainly to boost my credibility, but hydration is hydration, amiright?

I’ve gone through a variety of kinds of bottles in the past year and none of them seem to last all that long. To spare the gross details, do you know how many random ways there are for water bottles to grow mold? Like….there are a lot and once that happens, some of the bottles can be incredibly hard to clean. I’ve done the metal bottles, plastic, BPA-free (I don’t know what this means, but I assume it means I’m not killing the environment/getting cancer/harming kittens and I’m for it).

So getting my FabFitFun box with a bkr water bottle in it approximately the same time that I had lost faith in infusing water bottles (started so great, ended so horribly) seemed like the Lord shining down and saying, “Here, my child. Drink more water.” It was glass with a silicone sleeve and overall, really, really cute. Awesome.

But then there was the packaging. Guys, I didn’t know that a water bottle could brag so much. This little tag touted how the bottle was magical and wonderful and would cure world hunger. (Maybe I embellished that last part a little.) But even a quick cursory glance of the FAQ’s on bkr’s website touts luxury and indulgence. It describes the water bottle as similar to one’s favorite t-shirt. bkr brags that it’s a beloved staple of a-list celebrities and made an appearance at fashion week. And the price point reflects this, starting at $28 for the “Teeny” 250 ml water bottle (just a standard color, no special designs or anything) up to $55 for a fancy “Big” 1L water bottle with a fancy silicone spiked sleeve.

All of this made me roll my eyes into the sun.

“It’s a freaking water bottle!” I snapped to all of my friends as I unboxed it. “It is the most conceited water bottle I’ve ever opened!”

I was so ready to mock this water bottle and, with full transparency, I did. Oh, I had so much fun mocking this water bottle. The plan was to use this water bottle for a week to debunk this fantastic water bottle and then move along with my life, just using this water bottle until it inevitably molded and I bought a new one.

Well….it didn’t work out that way.

I got the bottle in May and I’m still using it. And…surprisingly enough….I don’t hate it.

When I started this off, my friends knew about my week-long test run.

“How’s it going?” I would inevitably be asked. “Is it great?”

“It’s a water bottle.” I would retort with a roll of my eyes.

The features of the water bottle give me a lot of mixed feelings. The bottle is glass with a silicone sleeve and a solid plastic bottle. It has a loop at the top that is tilted but solid. This would work, I imagine, if you’re of the outdoorsy hiking persuasion. It won’t swing back and forth. Mine is a 500 ML (“Little”) and fits perfectly into the cupholders at the gym, which is nice. It has a screw top, so no fancy straws, slits to drink from, or anything like that. Imagine you’re drinking from your standard Dasani/Aquafina/Joe’s Grocery Store brand plastic bottled water, but it’s glass and doesn’t kill baby seals and you have to fill it yourself.

This is nice because you don’t have to go through a two week tutorial for how to use this fancy water bottle, but it does have its drawbacks. If you have a standard ice machine at work, good luck getting ice in the bottle. I have endured so much ridicule for the sake of a good crushed ice cube population in this bottle because I have to push the lever and scoop it in. It’s annoying and I suspect that my hand may fall off if I subject it to frostbite for much longer. bkr understands this trial and has offered you a lovely and super-affordable $16 set of two ice tube trays so that you can put them in your bottles. (Pro-Tip: Ikea has comparable ice tube trays for $1 a pop and they’re frozen liquid magic. If you don't have an Ikea, Amazon has a two-pack for $7.39. You’re welcome.)

The silicone sleeve is meant to serve two purposes as I understand it. First off, it insulates the bottle, keeping your cold water cold. I assume it might work for hot water too but why would you do that to yourself? The other is to act as a shock absorbent buffer for the glass bottle, making sure that klutzy users don’t break it. This is the part that I was highly skeptical about, but I’m stunned. I have dropped this bottle a few (several) times and so far, so good. I’m legitimately impressed with that.

And then there’s the fact that the bottle is glass and sustainable. It’s been easy to keep clean (but it that’s a struggle, keep in mind that bkr understands this trial and has crafted a super convenient and affordable $8 perfect bottle brush, that is absolutely not a glorified pipe cleaner brush) and I haven’t had any issues with it that I’ve had with previous bottles. No mold. No nastiness. No weird taste from materials used. I mock bkr heavily, but they’ve crafted a solid product and that deserves to be recognized.

Now, would I drop that much money on one? $28 for an aptly named “teeny” bottle? Oh heck no. That’s just nonsense.

But the perk about these bottles being trendy is that if you’re affiliated with any kind of subscription service, you’re likely to have some way to get your hands on one, heavily discounted, either currently or in the near future. Like I mentioned, I got mine through FabFitFun and this week, ipsy has a promotion for a Teeny and a Little bundle package for $25 and that’s absolutely worth it. I might have bought the package because it was a good deal for a good product. If you have the means to get one through a subscription service, definitely scoop that up, but if not, maybe wait until there are discounted dupes or see if there’s a sale going on at some point so that you’re not paying a giant branding premium on them.

So basically, bkr is good if you want to hob-nob and pretend like you’re an a-list, water drinking celebrity, want a sustainable product and don’t mind paying a premium, or if you want to make a lot of jokes about something you own.