Book List 2017- The Best and Worst Stuff I Read This Year

This year I had a goal to read 50 books.

I love to read but I don’t get to do it as much as I’d like to because work, school, and raising a cat to be a responsible member of society. But during the summer, I didn’t have school and had a little bit of free time and decided that this was going to be the year that I crushed it. And I did. By the end of the summer, I hit 50 and set a new goal of 75.

As of right this second, after finishing reading a play this morning, I’m probably going to end at 73 unless the Lord sees fit to bless me with the gift of super speed reading or slows time to let me finish the other two. I’m bummed about it, but okay with it (no, I’m not).

Because I review things sometimes and because reading all these books has clearly qualified me as a literary sage that you should all pay attention to (yes. absolutely.), I’m going to make you all a handy literary guide based off of what I’ve read this year. Some of the books are current (i.e. books released in 2017), but many aren’t, so please don’t judge me. Some of these are great family reads and some most definitely are not. I’m going to include some that blew me away as well as some that made me boo and throw rotten produce. You may not agree with my opinion, but that’s fine because in this great country, you’re allowed to be as wrong as you please.

Please enjoy this list, provided with excessive commentary and, as 2018 commences, happy reading.

(Asterisks denote that the book was an audiobook, although honestly who cares.)

Best Memoir: Where Am I Now? By Mara Wilson*

Growing up, Matilda was my absolute favorite childhood book and the movie adaptation with Danny Devito and Matilda continues to be probably the best book to movie that I’ve ever seen, as most, especially now, end up being giant piles of suck (looking at you, Prisoner of Azkaban, My Sister’s Keeper, Eat Pray Love, and, to include my father’s input, The Firm). Mara Wilson played the titular character in that masterpiece and is also pretty well known for her appearances in that sucktastic Thomas the Tank Engine movie, Mrs.Doubtfire, and that heartwarming Christmas movie remake that doesn’t really age well in the age of feminism, Miracle on 34^th Street. After those, she kind of dropped off the face of the planet, an admirable feat for someone who didn’t join the ranks of trainwreck child stars, god bless. She popped back up on my radar when she did a voiceover role on Welcome To Nightvale as The Faceless Old Woman Who Lives In Your House and I was astounded. WHERE DID SHE COME FROM AND WHERE DID SHE GO? This memoir does a pretty good job of answering that question. Mara discusses her entrance to show business, shares some anecdotes about the making of some of those movies, and discusses her exit and life after in a way that is both poignant and, at times, hilarious. Honorable mention to an essay about Robin Williams that will make you cry like a baby. Mara left the movie scene and now works on writing essays and articles for various online publications, and I’m as big a fan of what’s she’s doing now as what she was doing then. Absolutely, 100% worth a read.

Worst Memoir: #GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amouroso*

Ick. Ick. Ick. Where do I start with this? Probably by copying and pasting the rant that I posted on GoodReads, tbh.

“Let me first say that I understand that the author is very accomplished in the business world at a young age. That's why I wanted to read this. And she does a good job of not shying away from her past- theft, unable to keep a job, didn't do well in school, etc. But she goes on to discuss the success of her business and most times, her advice sounds super condescending, assuming that the reader is stupid and/or naive. She also likes to discuss how lazy her generation is and how their parents told them how special they were and also participation trophies. (Gross.) While there are lazy people in every generation, it's not likely that these people are reading a book about a woman in business succeeding to gain insight. What a narrow view. 

And admittedly, some of her views just completely clashed with mine, which is fine, but that dang condescending tone. Talking about how thinking about the political implications of actions isn't living, making comments about "aren't we at the point in feminism where we don't have to talk about it anymore?", and several "HAIL CAPITALISM" rants- no. I was just not a fan. 

That being said, there is some good and interesting information in here and if you're a fan of the NastyGal brand (I'm not) you may find this enjoyable. I liked hearing about how she leveraged early internet shopping and some of her tips on money management. She really does have some good things to say. They just weren't enough for me to like this book or recommend it.”

The Netflix series does a good job of toning down the condescension and such and highlighting a lot of the bumps in the NastyGal’s start up road. It didn’t get renewed, which I wasn’t terribly heartbroken over, but if you’re bored and need a good binge, it wouldn’t hurt. The book though, nah, fam. Hard pass.

Honorable Mention Memoir: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells*

This was a book that I read to fulfill a personal rule of mine not to see a movie without reading the book. I’m a big Brie Larson/Woody Harrelson and wanted to see this when it came out but…uhhh…. that hasn’t happened yet? I don’t know why exactly. I’m working on it. But that’s not the point of this. (If you’ve watched it and have thoughts, please let me know. I’ve seen super mixed reviews and I want to know what I’m in for) The Glass Castle is one of those books that is super fun to break down and discuss, but will make you mad while reading it. It does a good job of discussing cyclical poverty and parental approaches to this subject, as well as discussing things like family dynamics, abuse, and neglect. It’s not a light read, but it’s a good read, nonetheless.

Best Play: Wit by Margaret Edson

Watching the Tony’s on an annual basis basically became a religious rite for me around 2008 or 2009, a couple of years before a revival of Wit came along starring Cynthia Nixon. The snippets that they aired fascinated me and I hunted for a bootleg but never found one and eventually forgot about it until this year, when I made my reading goals for 2018 (reading most of, if not all, of the modern Pulitzer/Tony Award winning plays because I am a MAD WOMAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO PARTY). Wit showed up again and I immediately ordered a secondhand copy on Thriftbooks to devour. If you’re not familiar, Wit follows the cancer diagnosis of an English professor whose study focused on poems that dealt heavily with concepts of mortality. We discover that she was a tough professor, at times lacking basic humanity needed for ease of human interactions. She is cared for by a researcher and resident who manifests many of these same qualities and the irony is heavy and it is tragic. Wit is well-written, incredibly poetic, and every bit as soul crushing as you would imagine. And you should read it immediately.

Worst Play: Fat Pig by Neil LaBute

Chrissy Metz’s character in This Is Us basically gives me life.  It’s the first time I’ve seen a character on TV that looks like me without being a joke because of her weight, so when I heard she was doing a revival of a play, of course I assumed that that character would be equally empowering and great. Nope. Fat Pig is one of the most disappointing works I’ve read. A woman meets a man in a café, thinking that he’s made a comment about her size. He hasn’t, but they get to talking and end up taking a liking to each other. Guy has been dating a girl at the office who’s kind of a terrible human being and guy also has a friend at the office who is an enormous dude bro and terrible human being. Guy and girl continue to see each other. Girl at office is mad that guy is blowing her off. Both girl at office and dude bro friend find out that guy is dating a “fat pig” an tell him what an awful thing it is. Guy succumbs to their words and the play ends with them breaking up. Honestly, if I had to take away a moral from this play it would be, if you’re fat, that’s why you can’t have nice things. And as someone who works a 20/22 dress size and looks dang fine doing so, I’m not a huge fan of said moral, so hard pass.

Point of Order: I have to give credit to the heavy amounts of dry humor in the early parts of this play. Helen (the plus size protagonist) starts off great and ends up sad, which just kills me. Not all plays have happy endings and that’s actually a good thing. But the message with this one is what gets a no from me, especially since the author has a whole preface about his life as a plus size man and how he’s gotten into body acceptance. HEAVY eyeroll.

Honorable Mention Play: Tick, Tick, Boom by Jonathan Larson

Tick, Tick, Boom is the only musical that I actually got around to reading this year. Do yourself a favor. Download it on Spotify and treat yoself because it’s a delight. If you’re familiar at all with Rent, Jonathan Larson’s name should ring a bell because he wrote that and died the day that it opened (not from AIDS though, so can we please stop furthering that fallacy, pleaseandthankyou). Tick, Tick, Boom chronicles a man turning 30 in 1990 and is considered to be a semiautobiographical work on Larson’s part. It wasn’t produced until after his death, but the music is heavy on Larsonesque style. The story is eh at best, but has enough potential paired with the music to make one super sad that Larson didn’t live long enough to make more of his art, because that transformative rock music vibe is fantastic. And for the record, I was born in 1990, so if you don’t think I’m going to play the song 30/90 for the entirety of 2020, you just don’t know me at all.

Most Underrated Book: Intimacy Idiot by Isaac Oliver

For reference here, you need to know two things that happened relative to me reading this book. First of all, two of my friends received it for Christmas because I couldn’t NOT have them not read it and kept snapping, texting, reading them excerpts as I read it (Emily and Kate, you’re the real MVP’s for putting up with me, but also, you’re welcome.) Second, it’s uncommon for me to literally laugh out loud at something I’m reading. A light chortle, a dainty guffaw perhaps, but outright laughter does not happen. Enter Intimacy Idiot, the least family friendly book (read: not even a little bit. I repeat. Your kids, grandmother, and dog should not read this.) on this list and easily the most riotously funny book I’ve read this year or… um… ever. This book of essays has everything. Furries. Customer service horror stories. A lumberjack named Anson. In this garbage fire of a year, a solid laugh through an entire book was EXACTLY what I needed and this book delivered.  (MPAA Rating: A solid R-.)

Most Overrated Book: The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold*

If I had to describe The Lovely Bones in one word, it would be “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?” On Goodreads, I gave this a solid three stars and that’s really all you need to know. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t….good? But everyone talked about it for a solid two or three years, so I was expecting the works. It deals with some interesting concepts, grief and how families deal with loss. But overall, I had to do a quick search just now to remember why exactly I was so bored by it because the story is THAT UNMEMORABLE. Maybe if I got with it during the hype, it would be different, but I didn’t, so it’s not. Sorry.

Extra Credit Reading: Check out the comments on the Goodreads page for The Lovely Bones. Many people had my same sentiment and put it in much more… eloquent.. ways. [laugh-crying emoji]

Most Boring Book: Mrs. Dalloway  by Virginia Woolf*

Alternate title for this book- Rich, white, Victorian people have problems too! We promise! Problems like…. I don’t know… having your dinner party ruined because some inconsiderate fool committed suicide. Dang him. Dang him to heck.

Extra Credit Reading: A list of things more boring than Mrs. Dalloway

Best YA Book: Turtles All The Way Down by John Green

Turtles was probably one of the more anticipated YA books of the year, for good reason. John Green is the author of acclaimed The Fault In Our Stars, a book the was so heartwrenchingly tragic that I literally threw it across the room upon finishing it. That came out in 2012 and while John hasn’t gone away (he’s still super active online, crafting such magic as Crash Course and staying true to his roots with VlogBrothers videos), this was his first book in five years. How was I supposed to feel? The second that he announced its impending publication in June, I frantically preordered the book, desperate to have it as soon as it came out. When it did in October, I was not disappointed in the least. The protagonist deals with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an ailment that Green himself has been very open about dealing with and because of this, he brings Aza to life in an incredibly special and important way. Admittedly, I didn’t find the ending as satisfying as The Fault In Our Stars; it was more on par with Paper Towns, but this book also earned that privilege. A happier, more cohesive ending wouldn’t have fit, and because of this, I’m grateful for what there was.

Worst YA Book: Be More Chill by Ned Vizzini

If you know me, this may really, really surprise you because this is also a musical that I’m absolutely in love with (to the point of driving to NEW JERSEY to see a community production of it). I know, I know. I was as surprised as you are by this turn of events. I picked up the source material expecting to fall in love with dynamic characters anew but then I got a jar of hot, steaming garbage that someone had pooped on for good measure. Whereas the musical characters are diverse, heartfelt, and the musical tackles things like anxiety, peer pressure, relationship dynamics, and the rumor mill, the book’s descent into deep storytelling involves an unfortunate incident with an infected nipple ring. Yes. Infected. Nipple. Ring. You did read that right. Even my beloved Michael Mell is a self-serving garbage person. God bless The Joes Tracz and Iconis for making this source material so dang loveable because it really is a giant turd on its own.

Honorable Mention YA Book: Anything by Becky Albertelli. Anything isn’t the title. It’s referring to the fact that you need to read anything that she writes.

Becky Albertelli has two books coming out in 2018, if I’m not mistaken. So far, one of them is available for preorder and I did that the second I found out about it. Here’s what I love about her books. She seems to be making a point to show that everyone deserves a love story that they can relate to. Everyone deserves to see that they can be loved for who they are, without exception. I read two of her books this year, Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda (you may recognize this from previews for its movie adaptation, Love Simon) and The Upside of Unrequited. Simon is a gay teen. There aren’t many of those YA books in the mainstream and Albertelli wrote one. Molly (the protagonist of The Upside of Unrequited) is a self-described fat girl. I can tell you from experience that this absolutely isn’t a trope that the mainstream YA scope. Both of these characters get a love story that isn’t tainted with irony or treated as a joke. Speaking from my own experience, I almost cried when Molly kissed the boy who she ultimately ends up with and admits that she’s afraid that she would hurt or crush him because of her weight. It was real. It hurt. It was relatable. And I would have given anything to see that when I was in high school. I can’t wait for more of her books. I can’t wait for more kids to see themselves in her stories. I’m just so dang appreciative.

More Honorable Mentions for YA Books: Anything by Nicola Yoon. See Becky Albertelli’s note.

Nicola Yoon is another one of those authors that is new and exciting and whom I can’t wait to see further develop. Everything, Everything discusses fear in parenting, developing one’s sense of self, and tackles Munchausen by Proxy, which I’ve seen in one other book ever and exactly zero other YA books. The Sun Is Also A Star talks about how we fall in love, family dynamics, and the impacts of immigration and deportation on individuals and families (strangely relevant for the time). Her books have a refreshing amount of depth and give her young readers credit, trusting them to understand and be able to handle tough topics, even crave stories dealing with them. It’s all so good and I just want more of her writing, okay?

Most Fascinatingly Relevant Fiction Book: The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

A word of caution- we live in a tough political climate and one of the subjects that is most incendiary is that of police brutality. I’ve specifically told one of my friends to hold off on reading this book because it hurts and it makes you mad, but it’s necessary. Like I mentioned with Nicola Yoon, Angie Thomas grants that her young adult audience can deal with more mature subjects that speak to their own stories. The protagonist in this story, Starr, is a black teenager who witnesses her best friend being shot by a police officer. Her friend is unarmed. The storyline follows activism erupting following the shooting, the case brought against the police officer, and the impacts that police brutality and violence have on individuals, families, and communities. It is disturbing, incredibly sad, and so relevant for today’s world. Read when it will not damage your mental health, but absolutely make a point to read.

Most Fascinatingly Relevant Non-Fiction Book: Shattered by Jonathan Allen*

Shattered deals with the Hilary Clinton presidential campaign. What’s interesting is that the book was meant to be a chronicle of the campaign of the first woman elected to the presidency. That was the premise of the book, that’s what the author went into this work for. However, after the disastrous election last year (which I’m still not ready to talk about), the book shed light on what exactly went wrong in the campaign. This book will literally make you hate everyone. Every. Single. Person. In. Politics. But overall, it’s a fascinating read if you’re able to stomach reliving the election. I know. It might be too soon.

Funniest Book: I’m Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi*

I found out about Luvvie from Jen Hatmaker’s podcast, where her humor struck me as incredibly relatable. She mentioned I’m Judging You during the course of the podcast and I immediately downloaded the audiobook. A word of advice- you should absolutely get the audio version of this book. While the text is funny on its own account, Luvvie’s delivery just gives it that little extra oomph. Basically, if you find that people suck and you find yourself judging others all too often, this book is probably for you. She tackles social media etiquette (e.g. don’t post your dead grandma’s casket on Facebook), those people that are constantly hot and heavy with baes who then just… like… disappear, and people who don’t know how to use hashtags, among many other so relatable, if slightly petty, pet peeves. If you’re problematic, it’s a handy guide to stop being so. And if you’re not, it’s still a handy guide, because even if you don’t think you are, I assure you, some of the rest of us disagree.

Point of Order: I know that I described Intimacy Idiot as the funniest book that I’d read this year. But it can’t win ALL of the awards and it already won one so shhhh….

Book That Will Make You Cry Buckets But It’s Worth It: Spoiler Alert- The Hero Dies by Michael Ausiello

If it weren’t for this stupid thing I have called a job, I would have read this book in one sitting. I did, however, read it in one day, much to the detriment of my mental health. Learn from me. Don’t do that, guys. Michael Ausiello chronicles his husband’s battle with cancer in a beautiful memoir that addresses how we deal with losing those that we love. The book flashes back to the beginnings of their relationship, to their near split, and their quick and private wedding in between discussing surgeries, chemotherapy, and everything that goes along with it. This book will make you believe in love, while simultaneously hating everything, but mostly cancer. Especially cancer. This is also one of the more beautiful books I’ve ever read. You will absolutely need a Zoloft or twelve, but that’s a cheap medicine and this book is worth it.

Series That I Can’t Believe I Didn’t Read Earlier: Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan

I would like to apologize to all of my friends and family who witnessed my descent into madness over the past three months, and by madness, I mean Percy Jackson. I just barely missed the Percy wave in its prime. My best friend is two and a half years younger than me and was right in that demographic but it passed me by and I was so unaware of all that I was missing. Enter the Lightning Thief Musical, a solid bop of a soundtrack that has been on repeat for a while now and that made me go, hmmmm…. maybe I should like, actually find out the storyline? I did and that’s the story of how I ended up in a binge spiral that had me reading all of the books, much to the detriment of my mental health and many of my social relationships. For the record, the last book screwed me up because everyone dies, so a curse on all of you who didn’t warn me about that. Grover’s storyline is by far the most satisfying. I totally get the Percy and Annabeth shipping and have boarded said ship with gladness. And I’m now reading the follow up series which might end up on this list next year should I be foolish enough to write another. (I’m in hour four of writing this as we speak. What a great way to ring out the year?) If you haven’t already, definitely read this. If you have, read it again and also listen to the soundtrack.

So that's it. That's my list. I have absolutely thought of more categories that I could add but am too lazy to do so. If you're interested, the link to my 2017 book list is here for your enjoyment (there's also a fun pictorial guide here). Be blessed. Be safe. Be well-read. 

Is bkr really the best?

Okay. Let’s talk about water bottles.

I have this issue where I am the actual worst at drinking water. I’ve been trying really hard to fix this over the past year and it’s a work in progress. Props to me for having a giant cup of water next to me while writing this, mainly to boost my credibility, but hydration is hydration, amiright?

I’ve gone through a variety of kinds of bottles in the past year and none of them seem to last all that long. To spare the gross details, do you know how many random ways there are for water bottles to grow mold? Like….there are a lot and once that happens, some of the bottles can be incredibly hard to clean. I’ve done the metal bottles, plastic, BPA-free (I don’t know what this means, but I assume it means I’m not killing the environment/getting cancer/harming kittens and I’m for it).

So getting my FabFitFun box with a bkr water bottle in it approximately the same time that I had lost faith in infusing water bottles (started so great, ended so horribly) seemed like the Lord shining down and saying, “Here, my child. Drink more water.” It was glass with a silicone sleeve and overall, really, really cute. Awesome.

But then there was the packaging. Guys, I didn’t know that a water bottle could brag so much. This little tag touted how the bottle was magical and wonderful and would cure world hunger. (Maybe I embellished that last part a little.) But even a quick cursory glance of the FAQ’s on bkr’s website touts luxury and indulgence. It describes the water bottle as similar to one’s favorite t-shirt. bkr brags that it’s a beloved staple of a-list celebrities and made an appearance at fashion week. And the price point reflects this, starting at $28 for the “Teeny” 250 ml water bottle (just a standard color, no special designs or anything) up to $55 for a fancy “Big” 1L water bottle with a fancy silicone spiked sleeve.

All of this made me roll my eyes into the sun.

“It’s a freaking water bottle!” I snapped to all of my friends as I unboxed it. “It is the most conceited water bottle I’ve ever opened!”

I was so ready to mock this water bottle and, with full transparency, I did. Oh, I had so much fun mocking this water bottle. The plan was to use this water bottle for a week to debunk this fantastic water bottle and then move along with my life, just using this water bottle until it inevitably molded and I bought a new one.

Well….it didn’t work out that way.

I got the bottle in May and I’m still using it. And…surprisingly enough….I don’t hate it.

When I started this off, my friends knew about my week-long test run.

“How’s it going?” I would inevitably be asked. “Is it great?”

“It’s a water bottle.” I would retort with a roll of my eyes.

The features of the water bottle give me a lot of mixed feelings. The bottle is glass with a silicone sleeve and a solid plastic bottle. It has a loop at the top that is tilted but solid. This would work, I imagine, if you’re of the outdoorsy hiking persuasion. It won’t swing back and forth. Mine is a 500 ML (“Little”) and fits perfectly into the cupholders at the gym, which is nice. It has a screw top, so no fancy straws, slits to drink from, or anything like that. Imagine you’re drinking from your standard Dasani/Aquafina/Joe’s Grocery Store brand plastic bottled water, but it’s glass and doesn’t kill baby seals and you have to fill it yourself.

This is nice because you don’t have to go through a two week tutorial for how to use this fancy water bottle, but it does have its drawbacks. If you have a standard ice machine at work, good luck getting ice in the bottle. I have endured so much ridicule for the sake of a good crushed ice cube population in this bottle because I have to push the lever and scoop it in. It’s annoying and I suspect that my hand may fall off if I subject it to frostbite for much longer. bkr understands this trial and has offered you a lovely and super-affordable $16 set of two ice tube trays so that you can put them in your bottles. (Pro-Tip: Ikea has comparable ice tube trays for $1 a pop and they’re frozen liquid magic. If you don't have an Ikea, Amazon has a two-pack for $7.39. You’re welcome.)

The silicone sleeve is meant to serve two purposes as I understand it. First off, it insulates the bottle, keeping your cold water cold. I assume it might work for hot water too but why would you do that to yourself? The other is to act as a shock absorbent buffer for the glass bottle, making sure that klutzy users don’t break it. This is the part that I was highly skeptical about, but I’m stunned. I have dropped this bottle a few (several) times and so far, so good. I’m legitimately impressed with that.

And then there’s the fact that the bottle is glass and sustainable. It’s been easy to keep clean (but it that’s a struggle, keep in mind that bkr understands this trial and has crafted a super convenient and affordable $8 perfect bottle brush, that is absolutely not a glorified pipe cleaner brush) and I haven’t had any issues with it that I’ve had with previous bottles. No mold. No nastiness. No weird taste from materials used. I mock bkr heavily, but they’ve crafted a solid product and that deserves to be recognized.

Now, would I drop that much money on one? $28 for an aptly named “teeny” bottle? Oh heck no. That’s just nonsense.

But the perk about these bottles being trendy is that if you’re affiliated with any kind of subscription service, you’re likely to have some way to get your hands on one, heavily discounted, either currently or in the near future. Like I mentioned, I got mine through FabFitFun and this week, ipsy has a promotion for a Teeny and a Little bundle package for $25 and that’s absolutely worth it. I might have bought the package because it was a good deal for a good product. If you have the means to get one through a subscription service, definitely scoop that up, but if not, maybe wait until there are discounted dupes or see if there’s a sale going on at some point so that you’re not paying a giant branding premium on them.

So basically, bkr is good if you want to hob-nob and pretend like you’re an a-list, water drinking celebrity, want a sustainable product and don’t mind paying a premium, or if you want to make a lot of jokes about something you own.

The Great ColourPop Experiment

Last year, I discovered the magic that was Kat Von D's Everlasting Liquid Lipstick and my life was changed. It happened, like most things in my life, because of Broadway. I found out that Jasmine Cephas Jones used "Outlaw" for her role as Maria Reynolds in Hamilton and immediately had to acquire this magic because I had been dying over it for MONTHS. 

(Related: If anyone knows what lip shade/brand Jessie Mueller was wearing for her Waitress performance in the Tonys last year, PLEASE FIND ME BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW AND THE INTERNET HASN'T HELPED ME YET.)

Anyway, so yes, Outlaw became my signature red (and I LIVE for red lipstick). The only thing I don't love about it is that it isn't really everlasting; I can't drink when I'm wearing it and it gets all over everything and the fact that it's decently drying. What a bummer. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when ColourPop had a sale where their lip products were $4 each. I had inherited a few Lippie Sticks from them when one of my friends ridded out her makeup stash (shout-out to Emily for the endless supply of products that I will forever receive with gladness) and I liked the feel and the shades that they had, so I was totally down to spend $4 on a few good shades. 

I got a pink, a red (more on this later), a black (WHICH I HAD NEEDED AND I LOVE SO MUCH), and a primer. 

I wasn't in the habit of using lip primer, but let me tell you, it was simply magic. I tried it along with one of my new lip paints and was amazed at the staying power. My lipstick did not budge and did not dry. And it was MATTE. Glorious. 

This prompted an experiment. 

What if I tried the primer with my Kat Von D? Would it work? There was only one way to find out. 

So I went about my day and if you think that lipstick is going to keep me from eating tasty things, you are out of your mind. It was a normal day. I ate lunch per usual, drank coffee, and drank water. I didn't have high expectations, but I did a couple check-ins with a mirror front-facing selfie cam throughout the day and was surprisingly okay. 

The end of day test was amazing. 

There was fading on the inside of my lips, but the outside looked fine. A little duller, but still true to color. The dryness was still there, but it was more manageable. There was a moisture barrier if you will. I didn't feel like I could literally reach up and peel off the lipstick. 

It was great. 

The primer's become a daily staple and I'm super pleased with it. It works better with some lipsticks and paints than others, but overall, I like it. 

As an added bonus, I did a swatch test with the red lip color. In the picture below, the top swatch is ColourPop and the bottom is Kat Von D. They're almost exact duplicates with a $16 price difference. I am sold. 

So yes. ColourPop. They always have sales. Their colors are on point. And their primer is literally magic. What else could you want for $4?

Function of Beauty

 I have this terrible habit of being the exact person that Facebook ads target. I am the person who ignores the fact that people specifically have set algorithms that are meant to get to you and instead goes, "OOOOOOOOH! *purchase*" 

As such, Function of Beauty popped up in my newsfeed a number of times and I just went with it for a while, trying to resist. Finally, I decided to click on the website and was ushered into a haircare wonderland. So many options. It was like a Myers-Briggs test for your follicles. I didn't know that there were so many things that your hair could be. But then I looked at the price tag and cringed. $40+ for shampoo?! Are you kidding me? I am ON A BUDGET, people! I'm not maaaaaade of money. I have bills to pay, things to do, a cat to raise. No thank you. Unless each strand of hair is going to be caressed and massaged by Baby Jesus himself, I'll pass and go back to splurging on my $5 Aussie shampoo/conditioner duo, thankyouverymuch. 

Around tax time, I caved. I found a coupon code (they're EVERYWHERE, if you decide you want to try it; I even have a referral code at the end of this article if you decide that you're convinced...soooooo....) and went for it. I ordered the smallest shampoo and conditioner (8 oz each) so that if it ended up not being everything I dreamed of, I wasn't saddled with tons of unusable customized shampoo. Now, granted, they offer free returns in the first 30 days, but I didn't know this at the time. The whole customization, creation, and shipping process took about 10 days from order to door. 

I'm a sucker for good packaging and the unboxing for my first shipment was a wonderful experience. The box is so cute and everything is so uniform with the pumps for the shampoo and conditioner hidden underneath the cardboard. This maybe isn't a selling point to everyone but PEOPLE, I WAS IMPRESSED. 

The nice thing about dropping a large sum of money on shampoo is that Function of Beauty does take steps to make sure that you're getting the most out of it. They give you an individualized process to use based on the goals that you've chosen. A note about the goals because I just realized that I kind of glazed right over that- when you first place your order, you fill out a hair profile, choosing three attributes that describe your hair's chemistry (type, structure, and moisture) and then choosing up to five goals that you want to achieve or things that you want to improve about your hair. Everyone's goals will be a little different, but here's about what I was working with. 

My hair is fine, oily, with heavy natural wave. My goals were:

• Oil Control: My hair gets super disgusting because of the natural oils. I've always had hair that can't go more than two days between washes (and two only if I'm REALLY brave) and that is resistant to dry shampoo. It just makes my hair a more stringy grease pit, to be honest. 
• Lengthen: I trim my hair, but keep a decent length on it and I really like having long hair as long as it looks healthy. Allow me to elaborate on this: The first time I got my hair cut, I was 26 (okay, so I'm 26 now, but this was in October and I'm thinking of posterity) and had FIVE INCHES OF SPLIT/DEAD ENDS and ended up with healthier looking hair that was about three inches below my shoulder blades. 
• Anti-Frizz: Humidity is to my hair as spinach is to Popeye. See also, "being exposed to the elements without product" and "cotton-ball like shape and texture". 
• Nourish Roots: This is super boring and basically just ties back to the lengthen goal and the fact that I don't want my super thin hair to fall out. 
• Heat Damage: I am the worst with hot tools. Hot sticks, curling wands, blow dryers, and flat irons are a part of my daily routine. Any stylist that I've gone to has expressed horror at my terribly heat damaged hair. 

So my suggested routine was pretty simple and straightforward, but a direct contrast from what I had been doing. Wash and deep scrub hair & rinse. Apply conditioner & let set 1-2 minutes before cold rinsing. Wash again & rinse. Done. 

The change was immediate. 

After 2 days of the new shampoo & routine. No product.

About a week of the new shampoo and routine with no product

My hair wasn't as puffy. I wasn't using TONS of product anymore and my hair was looking calmer despite this. I was an instant convert. But was my deep love going to last?

Fast forward to my first reorder process about three weeks ago. I had made a few observations. 

• I was definitely going to need more shampoo than conditioner (but what else is new), so this was adjusted. 
• I ran out a few days before my new order arrived and used some leftover Aussie that I still had from when I stocked up pre-new shampoo. It wasn't the same. My hair puffed up. It wasn't as smooth and was much less manageable. I wasn't a fan. 

And then some other observations. 

• I got my hair cut about a week ago and the stylist said nothing about my heat damage. I hadn't changed anything about my heating tools except for maybe less flat ironing, more curling wand....ing. 
• I also only had about two inches of dead ends after going six months between full cuts. Furthermore, she took off five inches and I still have hair that is below the mid-back point. It's insane. 

That being said, don't be mislead. It's shampoo and conditioner. Not a magic potion. If you don't take care of your hair, you still will face the consequences. See below where I let my hair air dry without brushing it and I know so much better than that. And THEN, after it was dried, I decided to brush through it. WHAT A FOOL I WAS. And full disclosure, even tough I don't use smoothing creams, gel, or mousse and maybe only use a fraction of the hairspray that I used to, I still do apply a healthy spritz of sea salt spray after washing my hair and before I brush through it (my nightly routine).  This is more to coax our my waves than anything and, again, is just preference. I also use a thermal protectant every one in a while if I'm using heat several times per week so as not to tempt the fates. 

In summary, I'm a huge fan and convert. I am 100% in love with the effects that it's had on my hair and would recommend it to pretty much anyone who asks (and some that don't). 

My referral link is here for $5 off. (Full disclosure: I get a discount too, sooooo...)

Go forth and tame your hair, people. You're welcome. 

Ja-Vie? More like JAAAAAAAS-vie!

A quick note before we begin: In the interest of full transparency, I want you all to know that Ja-vie was gracious enough to provide me with a pair of their shoes in exchange for an honest review. I am not receiving any other payment, but I did receive a gold and glittery pair of their shoes free of charge. All that being said, I would never lie to any of you or try to promote something that I didn't absolutely love. The review below is 100% truthful. Thank you, Ja-vie, for the opportunity to work with your team! 

Our story begins on the fateful day that I lost my black Tiek.

That's right. My black Tiek. My precious cinnamon roll of a shoe that I reviewed here several months ago before I decided to get full of myself and start an actual review blog. I was absolutely devastated for a few reasons. First of all, those shoes are dang expensive. Second, why did it have to be my black Tiek? Not that I want to lose any of them, but really?! Why couldn't it be the less practical green ones? And third, those shoes are dang expensive.

I was distraught and in need of a solution. I was bridesmaiding in December and needed black flats because if the bride's not wearing heels (I sold her on Tieks. Holla!) then I am CERTAINLY not wearing heels but my feet suck and I can't go back to wearing $5 Wal-Mart flats but I can't afford more Tieks so what the heck am I going to do?

Enter Ja-vie.

I heard about Ja-vie because their marketing team is absolutely genius. I had posted my excessive number of Instagram posts about my shoes (sorry not sorry) and every time a Tieks-tagged photo was posted, Ja-vie would show up in my likes. I investigated very briefly before ultimately forgetting them until my moment of desperation. But when the clouds parted and I found their site again, I was intrigued and amazed by what I found.

The story of how Ja-vie started is adorable in and of itself and you can read the whole thing on their site. The summary goes like this- the shoes were created by high-school sweethearts after their first child was born. The delivery caused some issues with Natalie, one of the creators, walking and being in extreme pain. Because of this, she and her husband decided to create a shoe made from socks.

It's genius.

There are a few things about Ja-vie that initially sold me.

• The prints. Oh those prints. If you've been around me or stalked me on social media, you know that I'm a sucker for a good, fun print. I have a collection of dresses with everything from birds to bikes to eyeglasses printed on them and it's become my style staple. Ja-vie sells flats with flipping LOBSTERS on them (among other things). How have I survived in life without a pair of lobster flats?! I don't know, but I don't intend to do so for much longer. 
• The insoles. The shoes are made with removable insoles that can be taken out and washed (a plus for those of us with smelly feet), as well as removed if they start to wear out (an excellent alternative to buying a whole new pair of shoes). 
• The price. We've established that I'm willing to pay a pretty penny (crying all the way) for shoes that don't make my feet die, but I'd rather not drop $200 every time I need a new pair of shoes if I don't absolutely have to. The average price of a pair of Ja-vie flats comes in at $68, and some of their stuff does go on sale for even less (I spied some shoes for $39 earlier). While still pricey and more than I really like to pay for shoes, the fact of the matter is that I've passed the point in my life where I can go cheap on shoes, and $68 makes me a LOT happier than $175. 
• The construction. I read a number of reviews before deciding to try them, and one of the reviewers described the system as "a bra for your foot". Hilarious mental picture aside, this really appealed to me. The goal of the shoe is to support not only the arch, but also the ball of the foot and the heel. Could it be that these shoes were even more supportive and conducive to walking than my beloved Tieks?

 The shoe's design is essentially a knit sock interior with a jelly outer shell, which sounds weird, but in practice, it really isn't.

So I sent them an email asking them if I could review them and in the meantime, I bought a black pair on Amazon because Prime shipping and even if I didn't love them, black flats for the wedding.

Guys, I love them. I love them so much.

Let's talk about the drawbacks.

The shoes don't break in. They don't change shape because of the jelly shell, so when I put them on, for the first week or so my baby toe rubbed against the side of the shoe. However, the sock interior does move a bit and my feet adjusted so this isn't an issue anymore.

The thing that I liked about my Tieks is that they ended up molding to my foot shape and basically made me feel like I was barefoot most of the time. But Ja-vies are certainly more structured. They're not more or less comfortable; it's just a different feel. So for $100 savings, I can deal with that.

The Ja-vies are better for everyday use, whereas my Tieks will probably be reserved for special occasions. They don't wear out as easily and I've noticed very little damage to them, whereas the leather faded oon the tips of my toes on my Tieks with a lot of wear (like...Disney World level wear).

So here's the question: Do I love them more than my Tieks?

Kind of?

I'm not turned from the Tiek side. I love those shoes, but these are a better daily option and I'll certainly buy more of the Ja-vies for everyday wear. The patterns offered alone give me an incentive to buy. That's the biggest selling point that I can promote here. You're more than likely to find an option that fits your tastes. (Did I mention the lobsters?!)

 If you're looking for a comfortable (and cute) shoe and don't mind spending a little, but don't want to invest hundreds of dollars in shoes, this is certainly a good alternative. I and my feet are a fan and I feel like you will be too.

A Guide to Beginning A LuLaRoe Obsession

If you're like me, it seems like every one of your friends has started a LuLaRoe shop online. Also, if you're like me, you probably have been rolling your eyes out of your head because you've been down this road before. That girl that you went to elementary school with was selling Scentsy and then your friend from college was selling Mary Kay and then your friend with the hot pink hair and the 93 piercings went the more scandalous route and decided to sell Pure Romance.

(A note: If you don't know what Pure Romance is and you choose to look it up, I hereby waive all responsibility for what your delicate constitution may witness. You've been warned.)

I get it. I do.

But as a wise Psalmist once said (probably), "The way to a girl's heart is by girding her legs in fabric so soft that it's like a baby angel decided to massage her." And the Psalmist did endorse LuLaRoe leggings. And they were good.

So far, I've tried a few different styles and I've loved all but one of them for my particular body type. I've seen all of them look good on different people, so please don't let my lack of enthusiasm for one (AND ONLY ONE) design, dissuade you. My wardrobe consists of Randy (a raglan-style top with 3/4 sleeves), Lindsay (an oversized, draping cardigan), Carly (a short-sleeved hi-lo dress that I have fallen deeply and madly in love with), and, of course, the leggings.

As someone who was incredibly skeptical, I can promise you that the hype is legit. So let me give you a few observations.

• The clothes are modest by pretty much any standard you look at. Let me get real for a second for the sake of brutal honesty. I am more...blessed than most in the upper body region. This is to say that my...uhhh...bustal area carries quite a bit of mass. (I'm being delicate because Google search, but if you don't know what I'm saying, please ask your mom to give you that special talk). As a result, some of my clothes are more low-cut and it's really not because that's my goal and it's rare that I can find something that will hold the girls in and not show them off. LuLaRoe has been that exception. With both the Carly and the Randy, I haven't had to worry about falling out or anything like that, which is an amazing perk in and of itself. 
• The sizing is generous and flattering. A large skepticism I had was that most (but not all) of LuLaRoe business is conducted online. As a decidedly plus-size woman, this has its occupational hazards. Will I buy the dress and look like a manatee? Will I have to squeeze into it like a sausage casing? Will my friends and family point and laugh at me? There are so many possibilities! However, I've not really had that struggle for a few reasons. First of all, most of the clothing is based on a size range rather than a strict number system, so the likelihood of my finding something in one of the sizes I can wear is pretty good. Second, for the things that you are skeptical about, that's what the consultants are for! I shop primarily with two consultants, one of whom is a delightful lady that I went to high school with who is based in a different state, and one of whom is a delightful lady that I went to church camp with growing up. Both of them have been great about being honest in regards to how sizing works and what is most likely to fit and flatter their clientele. And because Kait is local, I tried on some of the styles when I went to pick up my first order and get and idea of what sorts of things looked good on me and fit me. There are many consultants that are happy to do this for you (but obviously check with them before showing up on their doorstep). 
• The pricing is reasonable compared to value. I will not lie to you and say that you're looking at discount store prices with LuLaRoe clothing, though pricing isn't outrageous or unreasonable. Leggings are $25 before tax (and shipping, depending on where you're buying from) and the most expensive item that I've seen (I think?) is the Sarah cardigan which is in the $90 range if I'm not mistaken. Most dresses (my go-to) are in the $40-70 range. It's comparable to my other fashion options such as Lane Bryant or Torrid with the added bonus that...
• They have exclusive, limited prints. One of the main selling points of LuLaRoe is what they do with their prints. The company makes and distributes and incredibly limited number of their items in a certain print. There's no way of knowing where, when, or if you'll see another print again. This is both a curse, for when you let a beloved print get away (I'll never forget you, purple floral Carly!), and a blessing, when you're like me and can't stand when people copy your super unique and trendy style (too conceited? I'll dial it back.) But seriously. Who hasn't purchased that perfect dress in the perfect print only to show up and find 3 other girls in the same dress, prompting them to literally fight the others settle their disagreements civilly? I know I have! And while the business model doesn't completely eliminate this possibility, it brings the probability way down, which I love. 
• Those leggings tho. Okay, but listen. Let's talk about leggings. I live in leggings and cardigans. I feel like you all should know this about me. Leggings are God's gift to us in this dark and tumultuous world that we live in and LuLaRoe has perfected them. They are the softest, stretchiest, most comfortable things I have ever placed upon my bodacious hips and I would literally live in them if I could and if people wouldn't judge me. They come in two sizes, One Size (OS, roughly sizes 2-12) and Tall and Curvy (TC, roughly sizes 12-22). This scared me because how on earth is something going to fit someone with teeny size 12 legs and mine at the same time, but let me tell you, it is some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants-esque witchcraft, that's what it is. It is magic because they do fit and they're glorious and they don't cut off your circulation, bless the Lord. I'm on the top of the TC end (I wear a 20/22) and the leggings are still roomy and comfortable, which is amazing. 
• You're supporting people who are supporting their families. Both of the ladies I buy from are amazing people with kids and families that they're supporting with their business start-up and this is just icing on the cake. I can purchase a GREAT product while also feeling like my money isn't going to a huge corporation...it's going to individuals that I know. This is a great incentive to continue doing business with them. 

So there you have it. I'm still a LuLaRoe baby with a small number of items in my wardrobe, but I will undoubtedly purchase more. I highly recommend at the very least trying out their items and seeing for yourself. Seriously though. Try those leggings. 

Note: I don't have any pictures at this time because my roommate is a horrible cat who won't help me support my reviewing things venture. When I get pictures of the various items, they'll show up here and/or on my Facebook page. 

*****As an added bonus: I'm actually hosting a Pop-Up Shop on Facebook on Cyber Monday. So if you get an invite from me and see an excess of fashion blogging posts, well...that's why.